By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize