i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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