he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
