He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
