we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
