Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
