A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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