dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
