The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the raccoons are back...
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