Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
