you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
