Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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