Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
