I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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