My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
