if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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