your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize