Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
