I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
