Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
