I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
