gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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