I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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