ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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