I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
