don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
