Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize