she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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