awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
