well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
