You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
