oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize