im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
