where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
