My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
