im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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