I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
