Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
