i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
