If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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