woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
