I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need a beard to bite.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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