And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
