I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
