You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
