If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
