he was CRYING into my vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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