You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
