i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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