I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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