the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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