OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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