I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
