I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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