I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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