the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
