the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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