I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
