Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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