Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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