Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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