Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As shirtless as possible
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
