Its about making memories worth repressing
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
