I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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