your parents love me but you hate me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
