One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
