o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
