If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
