Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
