Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
