we have officially lost it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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