Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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