dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
