I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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