wanna go halves on a baby?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
