I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
