I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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