Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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