White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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