This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
