apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
