Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You don't make any sense
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