Sponge bath it is.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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