No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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