There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize