I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
