Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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