this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
