u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
