there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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