so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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