Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
