I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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