btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
