You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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