She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
