Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
