Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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