i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
