Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
