I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
