Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
