I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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