is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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