sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I would fuck him just for his dog
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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