i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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