My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
