In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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