no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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