He is such a slut. More and more my type.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
