New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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