We named our party play list daddy issues
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's always time for handjobs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
