i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
