I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
