So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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