Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
