I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
